I was originally planning on starting at the beginning, which would be last Sunday, and recounting the events of every day. But I have retold that same story over and over and over, and I am exhausted. Now I have the chance to reflect on how this week shaped me as a person and helped me dive even deeper into my faith.
Throughout the process, I was blessed with the opportunity to declare Christ's love against misguided hatred. I was blessed with the opportunity to meet amazing people, receive support from sources I never would have expected and watch God work in my life like I never had before.
Most of all, I was tested. I was tested to trust God in times of uncertainty and controversy. I was tested to believe that God had planted me in this role for a reason, for a specific purpose at this time in my life. I was tested to rely on the One who knows all things, who knows the innermost workings of my heart, who knows the Truth and desires to shine His light through me. I was tested to be a leader for Christ -- not for myself.
If I tried to make a list of everything I learned through this experience, I would run out of space. I've seen myself grow immensely as my relationship with Christ was strengthened in organizing this event. Specifically, there are two major takeaways that I want to focus on.
On Sunday night, when we created the event, there was absolutely no hesitation. There were no doubts, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I felt led - pushed - to do this. It wasn't just me and what I wanted, but truly what I felt the Lord was calling me to do.
After that initial "adrenaline rush" subsided, I could feel the terror start to creep in. What if I misrepresented myself? What if I said the wrong thing at the wrong time? What if my good intentions didn't come across? What if I spoke too soon, or didn't say enough? What if?
I'm happy to say that the Lord calmed those fears almost immediately. I couldn't focus on those fears. I couldn't focus on the unknown, on the what ifs, on the doubt. If I had, I would have missed out on such an incredible opportunity. I had to consciously make the choice to push those fears out of my mind. But there's an important distinction here - I couldn't be naive, either. I couldn't go into this week blindly. I couldn't rely on my own strength to get through it, because that just wasn't enough.
Before every meeting, my roommate and I prayed. We met with religious leaders who played an important role in our lives. We were supported by friends who encouraged us to seek God's wisdom and strength, to allow Him to lead us in the way in which we were meant to go. We knew the whats and whys of our message, but the how was less clear. We knew there were a lot of factors to take into consideration when determining how to get that message across.
Honestly, I don't pray as much as I should on a daily basis - not because I think it's useless, or because I see no point in it. I guess I've just always felt like God knows my thoughts already so prayers seem redundant at times. Maybe that's it, or maybe it's something else. I'm not sure. But this week, I really witnessed the true power of prayer. How powerful the phrase "in Jesus' name" can be.
When we sat in a meeting with University personnel and explained the key details of the event, I knew the explanation I was providing wasn't my own. I could tell that the confidence of my words and the understanding I portrayed came from the Lord. For me as an individual, absolutely none of this communication or organization would have been possible without His guidance and wisdom and power, which was called on through prayer. Meaningful, effective prayer.
God makes leaders out of his children - he makes the incapable capable. I thought I understood that concept before this week, but I had never really experienced it firsthand. Did I ever think that we would be one of the "faces" of an event that reached so many people? I can answer that with a confident "never in my life." Would I consider myself a leader? Yes. But I've never felt called to do anything like this.
When we are put in roles of leadership, the fear is heightened. The unknown is scary and there is often a multitude of challenges to overcome. But living in fear of things that are out of your control is no healthy way to live. Caution is necessary, but sometimes we fall victim to relying on too much of a good thing. Fear can be crippling - but only with your permission.
I had to choose to not allow fear to cripple my movement. I had to choose to take a stand and be confident in my intentions. I had to choose to lean on the Lord because my own understanding would undoubtedly fall short.
When I sat down last night to start a new devotional, I opened to the first page and started to read:
God's power, one of His primary attributes, is often on display for our good. It supports us in our troubles and strengthens our spiritual life. In His parting words to the disciples, just prior to His ascension, Jesus promised, "'But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth'" (Acts 1:8). Whether our outward circumstances are varoable or unfavorable, those and other divine promises about God's power are there for us to claim.
- JOHN MACARTHUR, Truth For Today
How completely spot on is that?
Do you ever have moments where you just know the "things happen for a reason" mentality is entirely valid? I mean, that devotional is structured to be started on January 1, but, for some reason, I decided to start yesterday, February 16. One day after an amazing event that changed my life for the better. There could not have been a more applicable message to read. Seemingly coincidental moments like those make any doubt or hesitation I have about God's presence look futile.
1 Peter 4:11 says, "If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever."
For me, this event was a means of glorifying Christ. A means of showing His power and His reign and His love. I cannot rightfully take credit for the details of the week, because I was not the one in control.
To Him be the glory. To Him be the power. To Him. Forever and ever.
The Bible is not a short book. It isn't a quick read. It's not a single short story that you can easily summarize in a singular sentence. But, for me at least, one of the easiest ways to portray it concisely is through one word: love.
God is love. God does not hate. He is understanding, He is gracious, He is benevolent. His love is boundless, relentless and unconditional.
As humans, we cannot love like He does. We cannot love boundlessly because we have limits. We cannot love relentlessly because we have traits of anger. We cannot love unconditionally because we are selfish. We cannot love like He does because we are sinful in nature. Our love as a human race cannot match the love that the Lord provides - but we are called to love above all else.
1 Peter 4:8-9 says, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling."
Above ALL. Above every thing. Above every detail. Above every emotion. Above every prejudice, above every concern, above every fear and worry, above every doubt or insecurity or disbelief. Above anything else that could possibly compete.
Love each other DEEPLY. Below the surface. With intense passion. Genuinely. Without shallow thought or judgement. In a benevolent manner. Thoroughly. In all compartments. With comprehension and care.
When I walked up and down Stadium Boulevard, trying to direct people as best I could and make sure everyone was calm and safe, I was in awe of the abundance of love present. Love of all shapes, sizes and colors. Love that was verbalized, love that was silent. Love from a grandmother, love from an infant. Love that stood in the forefront and love that served in the background. So much love. That was a powerful testament to the unity of this community as a whole.
When my roommate and I talked to media sources, one of the first questions we were asked was why -why we planned the event, why we thought a human wall would be effective. They wanted reasons.
Martin Luther King, Jr., once said, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
And that's exactly it. Only love can out-shine the hatred that stood on the corner of Providence and Stadium. Only love can do that.
Love was the reason for this wall. Love is and should always be the reason. We took a stand against hatred, against bigotry and prejudice and negativity. We weren't looking to fight fire with fire or combat hate with hate. We sought to shine the light of love in the midst of misguided, hateful darkness. We wanted to show that the importance of love is one virtue we can all agree on.
Everyone who supported the event had their own individual reason for attending. And man, do I respect those reasons. I recognize that my reasons differed from the other 5,000 people who displayed support on social media. Those differences are evident - and they're respectable.
If we sift through all of the differences, all of the misconceptions and judgments, all of the individual experiences and personal beliefs, if we can sift through ALL of that and take a look at what's left, it's love.
Love, even in its simplest form, conquers all. And Christ is the greatest love there is.
Difference does not justify hatred on any level. Hate within your family. Hate between your relationships. Hate for people of different cultures. Hate toward yourself.
Hate is never the answer.
I struggle with that concept on a daily basis, but I'm working on it. Progress is slow but steady. And as long as I don't become static in that journey, I am content with the speed.
There's a song by Hillsong United that I listened to frequently over the past week. Ironically, it's called "Love Is War." The chorus and bridge especially were always what I needed to hear in this moments where I was overwhelmed by details and started to lose sight of what I was "fighting" for.
Turn my eyes to see Your face
As all my fears surrender
Hold my heart within this grace
Where burden turns to wonder
I will fight to follow
I will fight for love
Throw my life forever
To the triumph of the Son
And I know Your love has won it all
You took the fall
To embrace my sorrows
I know You took the fight
You came and died but the grave was borrowed
I know You stood again
So I can stand with a life to follow
In the light of Your name
Remind me to fight for love, taking a stand in the light of Your name.
