I went to Bible Study today with my closest friends, as I do every Sunday evening, but for some reason tonight felt different. There were about five more of us than usual which created much more discussion, and we ended up stretching the conversation about an hour longer than every other Sunday. I really enjoyed tonight's talk over John 12. We've been going through the book of John for the past couple of months now and I've liked it, but I connected more with this chapter than than the previous 11.
When we got to the fourth section of John 12, Nikky got onto the topic of serving the Lord and doing what He has called us to do. All of us graduated high school in May and are headed off to college in the fall, so that idea struck a heavier chord with us than some of the other ideas presented. Every single teenage brain in that room was spinning with the details of moving away and college majors and career choices and the future and destiny and decisions and independence and growing up. My wheels were turning incredibly fast as I tried to process all of the change that is about to happen in my life exactly five weeks from today -- my last day as a resident of North Richland Hills. I am one of the only two people in my "friend group" that are leaving the state to continue school. The other is going to Florida while I am headed to Missouri. Everyone else is staying here, in the Lonestar State, and although they will be away from home in the sense of living apart from their parents and enduring a sort of "road trip" to come home, they will still be home. In this state, with these traditions and laws and influences. Whether they're going to A&M, UT, Austin College, Texas Tech, or Rice, they are just a few hours away from their families and everything they've known for the past 18 years. Come August 12, I will be a resident of Missouri. With new traditions and laws and influences. New people, new surroundings. 11 hours away from everything I've known for the past 18 years. As excited and anxious I am to get started, I am dreadfully nervous to take on the responsibility of determining my future on my own.
In John 12:26, Jesus tells us "If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him." Jesus calls us to serve Him in every aspect of our lives, every day. I do my best to follow His ways but as August gets closer and closer, I often wonder if what I am about to do is what I am called to do -- what I am destined to do by the will of my Father. On a nearly daily basis, I deal with questions about my career and collegiate choice from the people around me. Some questions are sincere curiosity, but others strike with offense and doubt. I know that journalism is termed a "dying industry" -- I know. And I don't need anyone else to tell me that. What I DO need is encouragement. Growing up is scary as hell. But I am doing my absolute best to follow what I believe is God's calling on my life. And although Mizzou is 11 hours away, and although my student loans hit $5,000 and my parent loans stretch up to $12,000, and although my major isn't seemingly successful or adequate for the life everyone else seems to want me to live, and although I am doubted every single day, I am going. I am moving away from this monotonous life of Texan residency to do bigger and better things. Make a name for myself. Write articles that change people's lives. Spread the love of the Lord internationally via numerous mediums of journalistic technology. I've made up my mind: I will succeed. But I have to do my best to ignore the doubts that are thrown at me as well as those that reside in my own mind. Maybe journalism isn't what I'm destined to do, and maybe I'm making a huge mistake....but right now, it feels right. I could care less whether or not my future paychecks hit 6 digits. As long as it covers enough digits to take care of my children, I'm satisfied. I feel no need to achieve wealth in the terms of this world but only in my spiritual endeavors. 1 John 2:15-17 warns us; "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world -- the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions -- is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." From that verse, it is clear that our focus should not lie in materialism but spiritualism. Forget the square footage of your residency or the social status of your persona or the number of carrots in the ring on your finger. Remember the sacrifice of the Lord and his specificity in your creation as well as the infinite love and planning that has gone into His preparation of your destiny, both of this world and of the Heavens. When I think of the future, of course I want to be successful in my career. But I don't feel the need to reach the level of wealth and perfection that others seem to dwell on. I just want to write good pieces and find a sense of love in what I do every day. What matters to me is the impact my profession has on the lives of others, my ability to remain passionate about a career that I hope to hold long-term, and the success of my efforts to embody the life of a Proverbs 31 woman.
John 12:36 says "While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light."
I have it, and I believe it.
I am a daughter of the light and I am determined to do what God calls me to do, regardless of the doubt you have.
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